1. Spandex would be officially announced the manliest outerwear of the upcoming year.
2. Your relatives would finally see the obvious distinctions between certain Campagnolo groupsets.
3. No more chubby Santa in a string of red juggernauts, bringing cubic kilometres of sweet soda to the town. The trailer truck should turn into a world cup service van crammed full of hi-end spare parts – no objections against Santa scattering them around town.
4. Never mind the taste of all the gingerbread, candies, pastries, sweets and confectionery but what about liquefying them and putting them into small plastic packs that are easy to suck on behind the handlebars?
5. Instead of sitting in front of the TV and watching Hugh Grant starring in Love, Actually, the movie might get switched to the virtual worlds of Zwift.
6. Bike lanes would appear on all roads across the country and potholes would vanish.
7. All cycling haters would find a brand new bike under the Christmas tree.
8. Your partner would ask if your bike shouldn’t be ceremonially received in your shared bedroom.
9. Bike thieves from all around the world would wake up to find all their fingers missing.
10. The women’s Tour de France would be scheduled for 2020.
11. A new theory about cycling boosting male fertility would make a breakthrough in science.
12. No more snow on Christmas, please. The Christmas weather should be somewhat like on Ibiza, Mallorca or Tenerife.
