1. You don’t need a dictionary to know the meaning of words such as derailleur, headset, cadence, fixie, bottom bracket…
2. You bike to work even on days when your colleagues curse the snowstorm that held them up in the morning.
3. There is no European metropolis around your home town that couldn’t be reached on bike within a few days.
4. If necessary, you are able to survive for weeks on one banana.
5. You know exactly which direction the wind blew from on weekend.
6. You are getting a third bicycle. When you bought the previous one, you told your partner it cost two thousand euros less than it actually did…
7. When chatting with your colleagues, you have nothing to talk about if neither of them has been biking today.
8. If your Strava resets after 40 kilometres of riding, you turn back home and start all over again.
9. Since October 1st, you start your mornings with comparing latest prices of flight tickets to Gran Canaria, Tenerife, and Lanzarote.
10. You don’t drink beer because it makes your legs feel heavy.
11. Despite the protests of your significant other, your bike has a place of honour in your bedroom.
12. You overcame the aversion to shaving your legs.
13. If you want an everyday clothing that won’t hang loosely on your body, you have to buy it in the kids’ section.
14. Your dream is to own a custom-built carbon bike.
15. You realize you are having your sixth espresso, and it’s not yet noon.
16. You’ve just paid three times the price of your daughter’s wedding gown for elastic shorts.
17. There are sharp tan lines on your biceps and thighs.
18. If you take the stairs, you reach the tenth floor faster than the people in the lift, all that without losing your breath.
19. When planning your next vacation, you search the Internet to calculate the vertical distance you’re going to cover there.
20. You pay two hundred euros for a second glass to your cycling goggles, because it provides better visibility in low light.
21. You look down on cyclists who carry the necessities (tools, a muesli bar, an energy gel, a glue, a raincoat, a pump, keys, mobile phone…) elsewhere than in the back pocket of their jersey.
22. You are the author of countless petitions protesting against “roadhogs”.
23. You consider getting your own Italian espresso machine.
24. Cyclists who cover less than 150 kilometres a day are just tourists to you.
25. You wear hand-made shoes with a wooden sole in the city, because the loud clatter of your walking (resembling cycling shoes) comforts you.
26. You can spend dozens of minutes talking about your heart rate.
27. You weigh 100 pounds, including your bed.
28. You can sit in a perfect aerodynamic position even when working at a computer.
29. You carry your money, debit card and mobile phone in a transparent plastic bag.
30. Opening a muesli bar with just one hand is no problem for you.
31. Every time you see a washbasin, the thought of filling your bidon with water flashes through your mind.
32. Your better half can’t remember seeing you without the imprint of chainset on your calf.
33. At night, you have dreams about speeding somewhere on your bike.
34. When getting in a car, you subconsciously check if you’ve buckled your helmet.
35. You have a clear opinion on the use of disc brakes in professional cycling.
36. You know exactly how many more kilometres you must cover this year to reach 10,000 kilometres. If you discuss this matter with someone, you always point out it’s only July.
37. You can describe sex with your new partner using kilometres per hour.
